New Thanksgiving Traditions

A couple of weeks ago, my mother handed me a box filled with old photographs and a stack of letters written by my great grandfather. As she handed me each picture, she explained who was who as she told me stories whenever a certain photograph triggered a memory. I am the oldest, the keeper of family history, and I guess she thought it was time I had these last few bits. 

As soon as I could, I went through the box of letters and arranged them in chronological order. I randomly selected a letter and began to read it, and it just so happened it was about my father. My great grandfather wrote a letter to his son—my grandfather—once a month (sometimes more) for twenty years starting in 1958. At least the ones I have anyway. 

Throughout my childhood, I remember my father telling me stories about "Pop". How he traveled the country, loved adventure, and wrote a mean letter. I wondered if perhaps this was where my love of writing came from. Now I had some proof.

The first letter is dated March 12, 1958. He wrote about camping in an isolated canyon in the Laguna Mountains. The road in was only dirt, and with an impending storm already pelting the roadway with rain, he knew the narrow access road was not built to withstand heavy rains or mountain wash. "I didn't like the look of things, as the rain was coming steady and heavy, and everything was turning to slimy mud... So I warmed up the engine good and took off up that steep climb in one wild dash, with the car skidding and slating like a happy pup wagging its tail." 

What a gift to have been given, not only a piece of my family's history, but a chance to get to know someone I had only remembered meeting once in my life. Someone who shares the same love of words and storytelling. 

So this Thanksgiving, once the dishes have been cleared away and the last of the pie has been dished out, I will open up the box and begin to read. I will share as many letters as people want to hear and then savor the rest throughout the season. 

I will give thanks for the people at the table, those who are not, and all who have come before us.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

P.S. You may also enjoy...

My Thanksgiving Menu
The Thankful Tree
Thanksgiving Leftovers
Always Remember

The Ups and Downs of the Empty Nest

This past weekend, the girls were home early. Bags were dropped, clothes needed cleaning, and the dishwasher was full.

In the beginning, when this whole empty nest thing started, I was more than happy to resume my role as doting mother. I made them nutritious dinners. I made sure their sheets were freshly laundered each weekend they were home. After all, the whole reason they came home so often was to balance their world of tests and deadlines, stress and decision making, with a place they felt nurtured and refreshed. And I was more than happy to oblige.

But, when the house was silent once again, I began to refocus my energy.

At first, David and I were warriors. We tackled project after project in record time. I was back to my ruthless cleaning rituals. And I started to create a new schedule—one that worked for both my business and my new personal life.

Then I started to slow down and look around. We don’t get a lot of alone time when the girls are home. And there is always something that needs our attention and there always will be. Free weekends became dedicated to catching up on forgotten books, working on a left-over project, or lolling on the sofa watching a movie together.

Once the girls were home again, it was all about them.

The back and forth was a bit unnerving at first. I got rattled when they weren’t home and again when they were. It would take me a good day on either end to switch gears.

Now I’m learning to balance the in between. When they are home, I don’t worry about a tidy house or cooking each night. When they head back to school, I appreciated the time I had with them and simply get back to work. I rediscovered alone time. Time to be present with myself that I thought I would never embrace again as I had done years ago. I reconnected with an old friend and tackled an important project I longed to accomplish.

This is a huge improvement from a few years ago. If you remember, I was coming unhinged at the thought of them leaving. The contradictory emotions, from sorrow to relief, loss to exhilaration, has touched us all in one way or another. But we keep on moving forward. As everyone does.

The relationships I have with my children as adults have been more rewarding than I could have imagined. Getting to know them as they learn and grow and change, is an amazing experience. I take joy in knowing that the give and take and ups and downs are an inevitable not-so-scary-after-all part of the process.

There’s still plenty of parenting to do—it’s a never-ending job—but I’m up for the challenge. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

P.S. You may also like I'm Not Ready, Mean Girls, and It's Been Quite a Week.

Week Three of the Empty Nest

We dropped the girls off on Labor Day. Two weeks yesterday. This is week three.

It was my idea not to pick up or see the girls until three weeks in. I felt they needed to get settled, get used to their familiar, yet unfamiliar surroundings, once again. David and I needed to take a deep breath and reclaim the house—and our sanity.

As anyone who has packed up children for college can tell you, it’s a never-ending ordeal. And the lists! No matter how organized you are, you’re bound to miss something on the list.

This year, Amanda moved into a single room in a suite of ten rooms. It has plenty of space, good light, and the building is near all of her academic buildings. But the extra-long twin sheets we had to buy for her Freshman dorm wasn’t going to work on her new double bed. We split up—Amanda and I kept unpacking, while David and Kate went off in search of decent sheets 30 minutes away.

And then there’s the emotional unpacking. What will this school year be like? Will I like where I live? Never mind the ordeal of leaving behind all of the things that bring you comfort, grounding, support. The first day of school (or anything) is the first day of school, regardless of how old you are. There’s a mixture of fear and excitement that sends your stomach into somersaults and addles the brain. For the parents, too.

The group texts began the moment one was dropped off and the other was on her way. Last minute things we weren’t able to get were added to a list or became the responsibility of the one left behind.

Thankfully, the girls have found their footing.

Kate is understandably exhausted—teaching full-time with a full load of classes each week—but she loves the school she’s been placed at, the children, and the teachers. She gets to walk through parts of the city that were once only explored for fun. We envy those walks every time she Snapchats a picture of another mouth-watering pastry, imagining the delicious smells that waft through the neighborhood.

To say Amanda loves her room is a vast understatement. The deep blue accent wall matches her bedding perfectly. And her room is always clean, clean, clean. Something she couldn’t quite pull off last year with her messy roommate underfoot. She hit a snag when she had to add/drop a class, but it’s all good. Her suite has a kitchen, so she’s cooking for herself for the first time.

For us…well, the house is very clean. We purged and organized our basement, I’ve been deep-cleaning closets and cabinets, and we’ve managed to tackle a few outdoor projects. The list of things to do will always remain a list, but you get the idea.

We’re managing.

It’s hard to let go each year. No matter how much practice I have under my belt, each year is different. Each year brings new challenges. And each year, as they both get older, brings reality closer to the surface.

But, no matter how much grumbling I do (and I do a lot) before, during, and after, I have to remember to take a deep breath, stop my whining, count my lucky stars, and cherish this time.

P.S. You may also like Romance is Alive and Well and It's Been Quite a Week.

Past, Present, and Future

I have become extremely nostalgic lately. With the passing of another generational icon yesterday (the incomparable Gene Wilder - actor/comedian/writer), I can recall a conversation David and I started having just last week. “We are in for some sad times ahead.” I remembered saying, and he concurred.

As each year passes, we are reminded of just how short life is. Family gatherings were a time of celebration and happiness, and now—some of them are not. We are brought together to bear the burden of loss, of heartache. We look to the faces still present, thankful for each and every one. Blessed by each and every memory we can summon.

The fabric of our family is embroidered with treasured memories that sustain me to this day.

Although I grew up with just one sister, my many cousins lived in the same town, or close by, and we spent holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations together.

I remember cramming in next to my cousins on my grandmother’s couch on Christmas Eve, each of us donning our Sunday best and nibbling on treats as the adults carried on in various parts of the house. Near Halloween, my sister and I would shuffle through the woods as we watched our cousins try to scare the life out of us during their annual ghost walk. 4^th of Julys, BBQs, Barbie doll birthday cakes, making whirlpools in the pool, wearing winter coats at the ice rink in July, pizza parties and scary movies, older cousins in charge of the younger ones, bible camp, drive-in theaters. There is an endless supply and each one can be played back in my mind with such vivid detail.

Photo albums are crammed with even more memories. Some black and white. Some yellow and faded. I compare chins, noses, hair color, and our crazy clothes. We share blood, a wise-ass sense of humor, the will to keep going, doing, being, inventing, creating. Forging through life no matter what it throws our way. We’re a sturdy stock, regardless of how each of us may feel about that particular moniker. 

My father just recently gave me a very large box. Our lineage has been researched and documented and I am its new keeper and guardian. My heart lurches every time I see our name emblazoned on another record or piece of paper.

I have great plans to hang these framed artifacts alongside family photos. I will do this to honor the past and be mindful of the present. To share our family history with whomever wishes to stop and take the time to read bold script written on aged parchment, or gaze upon the many faces of loved ones who are no longer with us, and of those who still are.

This collection will grow and be nurtured by my own children in the future, and I will gladly share these with other family members who wish to take this particular journey back in history with their own families.

The past has a way of pulling us into the future. To allow us to chart our own course. To embrace where we came from and decide where we can go. To be at peace. We need to hold onto those memories with as much clarity and tenderness and love we can possible piece together, if only for the briefest of moments. We need to share these memories to keep them alive, and nurture them to keep these memories from leaving us.

P.S. I'm the tall dorky looking one in the matching dress.

You may also like It's Been Quite a Week and Family Celebrating Family.

I'm Not Ready

The girls are both at work right now. Their last work week of the summer. Next week, they’re all mine, albeit for just one more. We plan to get our hair done, troll bookstores, watch silly movies, discuss books, and the inevitable fact that school is, literally, just around the corner.

We’re not ready.

I’ll be spending Labor Day hauling boxes and bags; hanging pictures and wiring lamps; picking up boxes of books and stocking refrigerators; driving mile after mile after mile to drop my girls off at their respective schools, and walking out of their buildings, missing them before I’ve left the parking lot.

Kate is a senior this year. We already know the day she will graduate. Two days after she moves in, she’ll receive her tassel at convocation. I had just gotten used to her being a college student, yet here we are, at another precipice, another milestone. The question of when she’ll be attending graduate school is on all of our minds. She’ll be teaching full-time while simultaneously juggling a full-load of classes fall semester.

Amanda is moving in to a single room amongst both male and female roommates. David is not amused. She will continue her research on the variations in parasite abundance between urban and natural populations of anoles. I don’t pretend to understand; I just know she’s doing some pretty cool stuff under the tutelage of one of the university's leading researchers. She’ll have her car on campus this year. She’s decided to pursue a pre-med track and double her workload.

We’re not ready.

As I marvel at all they have accomplished so far, I am very aware of what lies ahead. I have already lived my version of their lives. It’s not easy, but the rewards are well worth the effort. I know this. They know this. But it doesn’t make it any less challenging all the way around.

I dreaded them leaving high school, and now, I’m dreading what comes next. Not because I don’t want them to succeed and move forward with their lives—I want all of that for them and more—it’s just that I have finally found my way. I’ve learned how to live this new existence somewhat fractured by changes that are unavoidably inevitable.

We’ve already given Kate her graduation present. We took a trip last January knowing it might have been one of the last opportunities we’d be able to, as a family. We’re grasping at fragments of time, too precious to be ignored.

I know the reality is not nearly as frightening as the anticipation, of not knowing. I’ve been down this road before. I will ring my hands, make endless lists, repeat myself again and again to make sure the two of them have everything they could ever need. And then they’ll be off on their own once again.

But I’m not ready.

P.S. You may also like It's Been Quite a Week and A Surprising Twist.

Summer Vacation Reading Contest

Eight years ago, I started our annual summer reading contest while on vacation. I won handily that year, but only because my daughters were just 10 and 13 at the time. However, this year, I won again for only the second time! It took me seven years, 3,306 pages, and 10 books to do it, but I did. Again, in all fairness, those 3000+ pages weren't even the most read in the history of our contest. Amanda holds that honor. She read 4,222 pages four years ago. So I take my victory in stride, knowing full well that it will be a long time before it happens again.

So what did we read? 

The picture above belongs to Kate and is a sampling of what she devoured in July. She loves fantasy and dystopian novels, and she highly recommends The Dead House from this year's picks. "It's not your usual novel.", she told me, and then proceeded to show me all of the graphics the book included. I won't spoil it for you, just check it out. Her all-time favorites are the Gemma Doyle trilogy, Delirium trilogy, and Before I Fall.

I took along a mix of fiction and non-fiction, but ended up only starting Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It. I'm about half way through, and I've found some of the essays inspiring. A scant 221 pages long, Anne Rivers Siddon's The Girls of August was a quick, delightful read. I had zero expectations, but enjoyed it thoroughly. I only read three books from this list, and I was disappointed in all three. I usually don't read popular books right away—the hype is usually too much—but I waited for one to come out in paperback, and it didn't wow me (or scare me) like I thought it would. I'll leave it at that.

Amanda recommends The Unexpected Everything. She enjoys realistic fiction and cites Jodi Picoult as one of her favorite authors. She fell in love with The Summer I Turned Pretty trilogy years ago, and has read it more times than she cares to admit. The last book is her all-time favorite. I finally read it last summer and I agree. 

While we were away, we visited several local bookstores, which are really the hidden jewels of the book industry. It's interesting to learn which books are selling better locally, and most of the recommendations you receive from the staff is spot on. To be read: A Man Called Ove and The Last Summer of the Camperdowns.  

Both Kate and Michael have copies of The Cursed Child, but neither has read it yet. I'm waiting to hear their reviews before I decide whether or not I'll read it. For me, Harry Potter ended with book 7. We ALL list HP as some of our all-time favorite books. 

It's amazing how much you can read when you don't watch television. Yup, no TV on our 4-week vacation. And very little technology all the way around. I snuck off to write on my laptop a few times, and with the release of Pokemon Go, well... the girls did use their phones. But in all fairness, the phones were mostly silent and pocketed away.

I highly recommend taking a technology break and use that time to read!

P.S. You may also like Delicious Reads and Children's Books.

A shout out to our favorite local bookstores while on vacation: Yellow Umbrella Books, The Brewster Bookstore, and Edgartown Books.

Good-bye... For Now

Summer vacation has begun! Thank you all for hanging in there. I will be up to my usual tricks towards the end of the summer. I'm looking forward to writing more about Life in My 40s and getting back to a regular blogging schedule when I return in August. 

Much progress as been made on my new project, and with any luck, the blog will be moved and I can tell you more about it when I return. 

In the meantime, I hope you have a glorious summer!

P.S. You may also like...

May Summer Last a Hundred Years

2016 Summer Reading List

Scenes From Around New England (a.k.a. where I'll be hanging out)

Chatham

10 Things to do in July

Home

Free Fun Fridays

Boston winters may be long, but once the trees leaf out, the grass turns green, and the sun warms your face, it's time to head outdoors and enjoy the many parks and green spaces now available. But on those rainy days that force you inside, there are lots of things to do in and out of the city, and thanks to the Highland Street Foundation, you can get into museums, zoos, and gardens for FREE every Friday starting on June 24th. 

Here are my picks:

June 24th: Tanglewood's Family Fun Fest
July 1st: Boston Children's Museum or Cape Cod Maritime Museum
July 8th: Museum of Fine Arts
July 15th: Boston Anthenaeum
July 22nd: Boston Harbor Islands National and State Park
July 29th: Nantucket Whaling Museum
August 5th: The Greenway Carousel
August 12th: Concord Museum
August 19th: The Institute of Contemporary Art
August 26th: Norman Rockwell Museum

Enjoy!

Mean Girls

I read a book years ago titled, Queen Bees and Wannabes. In it, the author talks about the roles girls play, whether they like it or not, and includes tips for parents on how to help their daughters through the trials of Girl World. (If you want a quick fix instead, watch the movie Mean Girls.)

Because I am a girl, and I have given birth to two girls, I can say this without bias: girls are a pain in the ass. The drama that follows girls around is like a loyal puppy—it never goes away! And it starts younger and younger these days. We’ve all had to deal with versions of the Mean Girl throughout our lives. Some of us got through it fairly unscathed, while others were imprisoned. I can’t imagine dealing with the latter; the stories I’ve heard from other mothers and their daughters is downright terrifying.

But even with the subtler dealings girls endure: whispers, snide looks, insults, gossip…these transgressions can instantly rip away the solid foundation of anyone having to deal with ordinary day to day life, which as we all know is hard enough. Girls will always have to work harder than boys for equal pay and recognition. I hope that before I die, this will finally be a non-issue. This is just one reason we should all be in this together, not battling it out on the playground. (The war of the “working mom” versus the “stay at home mom” should have been settled long ago. Personally, I’ve always thought the term “working mom” was redundant. Every mom works, regardless if it’s at an office or at home. Period. Please, let’s MOVE ON from this.)

But there’s another sad reality involved: Some things never change no matter how old you get. Girls grow up to be women. But that doesn’t mean they grow out of being a Mean Girl. And then they have daughters. Like Bobbsey Twins, mother/daughter mean girls are leaders of their pack. There are thousands of mini-me’s following in the footsteps of their first teachers. They’ve learned how to lie, cheat, and beam their false smiles at the world with absolute pride and prejudice because they learned how at the foot of the masters.

These women have had decades of experience, and from my personal experience, cleave onto their daughters because they’re truly the only friends they have left. Adults usually don’t put up with this nonsense, but that doesn’t keep it from occurring. Worse still, they usually focus their attention on the very girls their daughters have already targeted. They’ve transgressed to their former selves and relish in the same childish antics they should have left behind long ago. The targets have doubled.

Words, one of my favorite things in the whole world, can do more damage psychologically than almost anything. The old adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” rings more true today than it ever has. 

Girls are their own worst enemies. 

But they don't have to be.

Photo: Michael Dombierer

Celebrating Mothers

I know a lot of blogs are creating lists of fabulous gifts you can shower your mother with, but I want to talk about a different kind of gift—time. Mind you, I have received some fabulous gifts over the years from my children: my beloved garden urns, gift certificates for spa treatments, countless hand-crafted cards, and last year's gift, my very own Webkinz pet (a story for another day). But my favorite gifts weren't gifts at all; they were the times I got to spend with my children. 

I remember, not so long ago, sitting on my porch with both of my girls seated on either side of me. After I had unwrapped my presents and read my cards, we started to talk. And we didn't stop for hours. It wasn't planned—which makes it even more special—it just happened. One topic rolled into another as David brought out drinks and food to sustain us. We laughed and joked and spent the afternoon truly connecting. Many more afternoons just like that one became an almost weekly ritual. It doesn't get much better than that.

Several years ago, after my son moved away and I didn't get to see him as often as I'd liked, my phone rang. I expected his call. He always called. But this time he kept me on for just a little longer than usual. As we were wrapping things up, he announced he had arrived at his destination. Then I heard a knock at my door. He stood there with a bouquet of flowers, a card, and a huge grin. I would have knocked him over if he wasn't 7" taller and 60 lbs. heavier. The tears started in earnest as I opened my card. It was the kind that talks and plays music. As I opened it up, I heard his deep tenor voice wish me a Happy Mother's Day and then "You Are My Sunshine" started to play. This was the song I sang to him every night when he was little. I carry that card with me to this day.

As the years went on, we started a new tradition. The four of us (and a couple of times, the whole family) went to our favorite drive-in restaurant where we could eat food or ice cream, either indoors or out. It's the kind of place that's always jam-packed with families so it's okay if you make a lot of noise like we do. I have so many great memories of the times we've spent there regardless of the reason.

The moral of my story is this: Time is a precious commodity. It's a continual progression that moves us forward whether we like it or not. It's vulnerable. We must invest in and nurture it in order to reap its benefits. I can almost guarantee that the mother in your life will want to spend this day, and many more like it, with you.

P.S. You may also like The Perfect Mother's Day and Mother's Day Gifts.

Photo: Lon Martin

Book Money (Is There a Better Kind?)

How could I possibly walk by this outdoor bookstore without at least taking a peek? Impossible. I love books. And the fascination obsession has been handed down to another generation.

From the time my girls were little, they always called the bookstore, the library. We all had library cards, I took them to story time, we checked out books... but the bookstore was the place they wanted to be. 

My son was really into buying books through school. He loved bringing home those leaflets with his picks already circled with magic marker on almost every page. I ended up purchasing most of their childhood collections through these fundraisers. As of 1999, we owned every Berenstain Bear book published to date, as well as Dr. Seuss. I bet I could still read these books from memory today :)

Each week, we went to the library, and each week they tried to get me to go the other library. Once they were avid readers (all around fifth grade), I relented. However, I also taught them that if they wanted to buy a book, they would have to earn it. That's when I started doling out book money. 

If they got an A on a report card, they got book money. Birthdays, holidays, special days... more book money. Even more than a decade later, getting a bookstore gift card is the best gift we could give them. 

I always thought I would troll the bookshelves of dusty libraries in my old age, but if my children have any say, we'll be at the bookstore.

"I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building bookshelves." - Anna Quindlen

Photo: Tumblr.

How to Get Things Clean - Part II

Because you can never have too many ways to keep things clean, I thought I'd just keep going after posting Part I last week. I can be a little crazy when it comes to cleaning, so bear with me if this becomes on on-going post. Remember, cleaning is my therapy.

In my kitchen, I have a travel bucket stored under the sink. It's basically a two-sided plastic bin with a handle that I can carry to and from each room and it contains the essentials. Here's my list in no particular order:

• Old sponges. After I'm done with a dish sponge, I toss it in the dishwasher and then it turns into a cleaning sponge. (I'm told you can microwave the sponge on high for 2 minutes and it'll do the same thing.)
• Old toothbrushes (and new ones). Once we've retired our toothbrushes, I toss them in the dishwasher as well and they become mini scrubbers that are excellent at cleaning grout and all sorts of nooks and crannies.
• Old dish clothes. Again... You get the drill by now. I use these to polish and clean. Once I'm done, it's back to the washing machine they go. Ditto for old socks. Stick them on your hand a dust away blinds and other hard to reach surfaces.
• Magic Erasers. They work miracles everywhere.
• The before mentioned rubbing alcohol and peroxide. 
• Lemon oil for polishing wood.

How to make your own cleaners:

• All-purpose  - 1 teaspoon dish soap to 4 cups of water.
• Disinfectant - 1 part rubbing alcohol to 1 part water. I use it straight as well. Test surface before doing this. 
• Glass - 1 part vinegar to 1 part water. Use newspaper instead of a cloth and you won't get streaks.
• Natural goo gone - 1 park coconut oil to 1 part baking soda. 
• More natural cleaning product recipes can be found here.

Miscellaneous tips for the crazed cleaner.

• Lemons and salt work well to scrub the bottoms of pans and the inside of a stainless steel sink. Just mix equal parts together and scrub.
• Use baking soda to clean your mattress. Sprinkle it on and let sit for about 15 minutest, then vacuum. (And more ways to use baking soda here.)
• To clean a nasty microwave, place a bowl of water inside and turn it on high for 1-2 minutes. The steam will loosen any grime so all you'll need to use is soap and water.
• Use baking soda and dish detergent to clean ceramic stove tops. Sprinkle baking soda over the surface then cover it in a detergent soaked cloth. Leave for 30 minutes and then rub the paste into the grime. Wipe down with a clean washcloth and polish with rubbing alcohol.

How often should you clean?

That's really up to you, of course, but to keep things looking clean and feeling clean, I recommend daily, weekly, and monthly and/or seasonal cleaning. If you stay ahead of it, it won't seem like such a big job. I wipe down surfaces daily with soap and water or rubbing alcohol. I dust once a week. I vacuum 2-3 times a week. I wash sheets once a week and towels as needed. I would like to say I wash the windows more often than I do, but this falls into the seasonal category for most windows, otherwise it's once a month. Maybe you'd like to follow this schedule.

I can go from casual cleaning to warrior mode in a snap. One time I started to wipe down the front of the refrigerator and two hours later my fridge was deep cleaned inside and out. For me, it's all about keeping the house healthy for me and my family. 

Stay tuned...

Photo: Sabrina M

How to Get Things Clean - Part I

I'm always trying to find ways to use everyday products in new ways when I'm cleaning up the house. Two of my favorite cleaners are rubbing alcohol (it disinfects, polishes, and shines in a snap) and peroxide (test first, but it takes out almost any stain I've tried to get out). They're both great for spot cleaning the carpet when little paws and feet have left behind muddy foot prints.

These tips are not brand-name specific, so please feel free to try homemade versions or organic.

Baby Wipes - Use these to clean carpets (again, test the area first) clean salt off of boots, use as make-up remover, clean off sandy feet (I use baby powder myself), dust houseplants, clean electronics (be careful if the wipe is over saturated), dust the floor (use in place of a Swiffer), and remove white marks left behind by deodorant.

Dryer Sheets - I never toss these... They help capture lint easily from the dryer lint trap, I run them across the floor to pick up pet hair (in place of a Swiffer sheet), degrease the top of the stove, deodorize trash cans (keep one in the bottom of the laundry basket and on the shelves of your linen closet too), removes iron residue, soap scum on tubs, and keeps bugs at bay (rub them across tent or screen netting).

Baking Soda - You already know this one, but use it as a natural odor neutralizer in the refrigerator, cabinets, and on carpets etc. Use 3-1 (baking soda and water) to clean silver and counter surfaces, and scrub walls with a sprinkle of baking soda applied to a damp sponge. You can even get Fido clean if he doesn't like the tub. Sprinkle enough to coat his fur lightly avoiding the face entirely (ears are okay). Gently rub and let the baking soda absorb into the coat for a few minutes. Gently brush away excess.

Bonus: To remove dog hair, and I have a lot, use a squeegee to remove hair from large surfaces. Rubber gloves also work. And I use dampened wash towels to remove the rest.

Photo: Amanda Tipton

Date Nights That Will Make You Giddy... (And lots of recipes too)

What do you consider the perfect date night? Is it dinner and a movie? What do you wear? Where do you go?

As I mentioned in my previous post, date night can mean so many things, especially when it comes to special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine's Day. But let's shake things up just a bit.

Going out to a romantic restaurant can be... romantic. But oftentimes a little over the top (cut to the scene where Carrie and Miranda are surrounded by floating pink balloons). So forget the usual date-night places and hit the local pub instead. Play a game of pool; drink pints, not martinis; order a big, juicy burger; and hit up your date for jukebox money. Big hair and red lipstick are a requirement.

Staying in can be incredibly romantic, but don't get sloppy. I'm all for a pizza and Netflix night, but I think we can do better than that. Cook together. This would be a tough one for me because I'm a little manic about having anyone in the kitchen while I cook. However, if you plan it well, and you are like me, it will be okay. Don't worry about your culinary skills, anyone can chop vegetables for a quick stir fry or salad. Make chocolate fondue and feed one another. Or forget dinner and make cookies, ice cream sundaes, or some s'mores in the fireplace. (And if you're going to watch a movie, make it a scary one so you can inch closer and closer as you figure out who done it.)

Here is the (very) ambitious Valentine's Day menu couples will cook together at the Cambridge School of Culinary Arts this Sunday. If you're game, go for it! (Couples cooking classes make a great gift.)

• Oysters Rockefeller
• Goat Cheese and Arugula Salad with Figs and Spiced Pepitas
• Heart-Shaped Polenta Crostini with Wild Mushroom Ragout
• Ravioli Stuffed with Cheese and Herbs
• Individual Beef Wellington
• Asparagus Almondine
• Roasted Fingerling Potatoes
• Chocolate Cake with Raspberry Mousse

Let him bring home take-out while you get dressed in your sexiest PJs, or go all out and dress for a date on the town—high heals, perfume—the works. Here are the rules: you set the table and get dressed. He brings home the food and jumps into the shower. Meet in whatever room you're dining in at a pre-determined time. Let the evening unfold.

Game night anyone? If he's a gamer, put on your best game face and join in. If you love cards, start a tournament where you can keep a running tally going and make this a date night ritual. Maybe you're into puzzles, trivia games, hide and seek. Whatever you love to do, do it together. (Super competitive people lay down ground rules first.)

Make a day date. Hike, bike in the park (and take a picnic), go out for ice cream, catch an afternoon movie (good for cold or rainy days), get lost in a bookstore and share your favorites, shop for that evening's dinner (only fun foods allowed), hit the local arcade, go roller-blading, surf, or ski. Go bowling. Yes, bowling. Get lost in a museum while holding hands.

Did I mention you don't have to do these things with a man? Show your girlfriends some love and celebrate with them instead!

So what will I be doing this Valentine's Day? Oh, it's very romantic. David and I will be driving our two daughters back to school. Maybe I should make a thermos of hot chocolate for the ride...

Romance is Alive and Well

When a relationship is new, no matter where you go or what you do feels like the most romantic date ever. I remember when my husband and I first got together. We weren't officially dating, but the flirting had begun. He wanted to buy a leather jacket and needed my opinion. As we crossed the crowded streets to walk uptown, he reached for my hand. The day continued to unfold in a similar fashion. We walked, he grabbed my hand, I let go, and back and forth it went.

My girlfriend and I decided to go out to dinner one night and somehow he invited himself along. After walking what seemed like miles, we got lost just as it was beginning to rain. Finally finding our way to the restaurant, my future husband slid into the booth beside me. As a violinist started playing, we brushed hands under the table, lingering a little longer each time.

Once we were a thing. He decided to surprise me with concert tickets to The Cure. The amphitheater was packed and we weren't under cover as the rain started to come down in sheets. We finally chucked the useless umbrella we were holding and swayed to the music as my mascara ran down my face. It was a great evening.

As the years progressed, our definition of romance went from your typical dinner and a movie to picnics in front of the television after the kids were asleep. They were still fun to us, but things changed as our relationship grew. (I think it's romantic if starts the tea kettle in the morning before I ask.)

But now that the girls have gone off to college, we've started dating again. Afternoon movies, browsing through the bookstore, sharing a coffee in a café, even running errands has taken on a date-like feel. This past weekend, he took me out for ice cream. And we're back to holding hands.

Regardless of how long you've been together, there is plenty of romance left to explore.

We're Going on a Magical Journey

My 20-year-old daughter has finally received her letter to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

"This story has caught everyone's imagination, including grown-ups. And how often do you get to walk around as a wizard with great clothes?" - Maggie Smith 

"Working hard is important. But there is something that matters even more, believing in yourself." - Harry Potter

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light." - Albus Dumbledore

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

"Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it." - Albus Dumbledore

"When I am 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, "After all this time?". And I will say, "Always." - Alan Rickman 

It's Just Not the Holidays Without...

I recently asked some BL readers to answer this question and this is what I received in response...

Snow! I know most of the country doesn't see snow for Christmas, but I just can't imagine there not being some fluffy white stuff on the ground. Here in the Northeast, we've got about a 50/50 chance of seeing snow, so if I think it's going to be a dud, I head north! - Susan

Cutting down our own Christmas tree. Growing up, I had an artificial tree. I vowed as soon as I got my own place I was buying a real tree and I have had once ever since. After I got married, my husband and I decided to take it one step further and cut down our own. Now we make a day of it. If it's not too cold, I'll plan a picnic. And we always play hide and seek. - Corey

Volunteering at a soup kitchen. Each year I help feed hundreds of people at our local community center, which is part of our church. The feast is usually scheduled for the week before, but some of us have banded together to open up the church hall on Christmas day and serve as many people as we can. We get local donations, but most of the food is homemade. - Karen

Movies and music! Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who's happy Jingle Bells is playing on the radio the day after Halloween. If you ride in my car you cannot change the channel. I play carols in the house as much as my family will tolerate. And I watch every sappy holiday movie the Hallmark Channel wants to air along with my stacks of CDs. Every day is Christmas! (I recently complained to a restaurant how un-holidayish it was not to play seasonal music. The look I received was priceless. And I'm not going back to the restaurant!) - Jamie

Lighting the Menorah as a family. Even if that means we do it over the phone. My mother, brother and I have spent many years apart, so we decided we would each light our candles at the same time each day (usually in the evening, but once in the morning because my brother had to catch a flight). We now record the phone call and our individual lightings and share. It's so simple, yet incredibly important to us all. - Shira

Hanging with my girls. My friends and I have a weekly secret Santa. However, we don't exchange gifts, we spend time with one another. It doesn't matter if we have 30 minutes or 3 hours, the person in charge has to pick and choose the location and activity. And it doesn't need to be expensive either. One friend picked us all up and then we parked in a beautiful location as she passed around a thermos of hot chocolate and some cookies. We talked, laughed, and ate our way through the hour we had to spare. - Fiona

So what holiday tradition or activity do you hold dear?  

The One Thing You Can Count On? Life Will Always Throw You a Curveball

I've had to take an unexpected break, but I wanted you all to know that the blog will continue and I'll be back online next week.

Thank you. 

Have a Great Weekend

The girls are home for an emergency mental health weekend. Finals are fast approaching, and they need some home time! So with a change in schedule, we are going to stick close to home, laugh, chat, read, watch movies, and basically chill out.

Here are some links that may make you like a little bit easier this time of year...

Holiday travel gifts for him.

It's time to get crafty and build your own gift basket.

Buy the ingredients to make these adorable cookies to gift. (You know you can cheat.)

Holiday gifts for writers (gifts for readers coming soon) and everyone on your list.

Already done? Then it's time to wrap.

And to inspire... Flight of the Hummingbird and a great Santa.

Enjoy!

A Surprising Twist

As I was getting the house prepared for Thanksgiving, I was reminded of just how much time it takes to get it all done. The cooking, the cleaning, and for us, the decorating just a day later. It's a lot to do. Not to mention the pick-ups (David picked up both girls because I was cooking) and the drop-offs (we split it this time). We had a very full extended weekend.

Whenever the girls come home, I make sure I wash their sheets, vacuum their room, and try to have as many goodies on hand as possible. But that's what mothers do, we nest. Especially during the holidays. And most especially when their daughters haven't been home for over a month.

Everything got a good workout—the washing machine, the oven, the dishwasher. And then it dawned on me. David and I hadn't run the dishwasher in more than a week. The only reason the washer was used more than once was because I was washing sheets, not clothes. And I couldn't remember the last time I had to cook so much food. I can make a pot of whatever and have it last for days. We don't mind eating leftovers.

If there is any kind of bright side to this whole empty nest thing it's this: we are actually able to come home from work and do absolutely nothing if we want to.

I don't feel guilty about putting a full-course dinner on the table each night, and all of the daily cleaning I used to do has been pared down so much I often wonder if I'm neglecting my home.

I'm getting used to having the house clean all the time. I'm getting used to not having to cook every night. I'm getting used to the organized cabinets, the refrigerator not having to be fully stocked, the simplicity of our new nightly routine. The quiet.

No. I'm not getting used to the quiet. I liked the house filled with familiar voices. Especially female voices.

There may be a tiny upside to this whole empty nest thing, but I would gladly trade in my tidy, organized, semi-quiet house for the one filled with shoes and clothes strewn about, and giggly girls talking the night away.

P.S. You may also like A Magical Journey and Hiding Out.

Photo: Jake Stimpson