I'm a list-maker, a writer-downer, a chart-drawer, a planner. I like to see things in black and white, plain as day, so I understand where I'm going and just what I've been up to. Sometimes this is good and sometimes....not so much.
I suppose I do this to keep my monkey-mind from swinging on yet another branch. To control the
chaos in my head—just a little bit. After all, I'm used to working on a few things at a time while
simultaneously keeping my family from eating cheerios night after night. As all mothers know, we can do 2, 3, 4 things at once. Piece of cake. Until it isn't.
I was reading about a fellow blogger's newest musings just recently and found out that she's on a writers' retreat. All she has to do is spend time writing. If she's hungry, she'll eat. Then write. If she's tired, she'll nap. Then write. And if she wants to write for hours and hours on end, without interruption, she can do that, too.
I was green with envy.
With all my lists and plans and good intentions, I still can't keep on task. I still can't find a rhythm that works for me—that allows me to do what I want to do versus what I have to do. Day after day I return to my charts and my calendar. I keep adding to my lengthy to-do list, moving the things I really want to do further down the page. I promise myself next week will be different. Next week I'll be able to settle my brain and just do it. Next week. As soon as...
Why do we do this to ourselves? The things we want to do are just as important as the things we have to do.
If I babble on about change and doing and being to all of you, dear readers, then I have to quit whining and just get it done. I have to reclaim some of that time just for me. So here's my new plan: I will create my own writer's retreat, or better yet, a writer's boot camp (File in, shoulders back, butt in chair, fingers on keys—type.) I will revert back to parenthood bribery tactics...."If you eat just one more bite, you can have a cookie." Maybe I'll even try to dangle a carrot in front of my nose. I'm not exactly sure. But whatever I do, I have to realize I'm the only one stopping myself.
So I leave you with this: If you are burning to do something, do it. No more excuses. Start your own boot camp and sit in that chair or jump out of it if you have to. Erase some of those have-to's on your calendar and replace it with space—some free time to do the things you want to do.